we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
