What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize