I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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