Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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