those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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