they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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