I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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