dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
