how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
