Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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