I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
