The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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