Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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