Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We named our party play list daddy issues
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize