So drunk its hurt
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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