you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Are my feet made of real feet?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
