It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Im part way to drunk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
