Can Purell be used as lube?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
