my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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