Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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