Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
