listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
