you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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