Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
vagina is talking i cant
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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