Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
