I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
