you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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