Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
