At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
