like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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