It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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