a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
