I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize