walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
