just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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