you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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