she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you had me at cake vodka
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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