Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
