I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
ttyl tear gas
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
