ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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