haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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