Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
