So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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