I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
