girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
