oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize