let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
