i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
