I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're too hungover to prance.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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