i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
