First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize