Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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