I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
