sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
