I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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