my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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