So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
