Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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