so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
