wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
