I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
