I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
