dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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