One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
