Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
