I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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