you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
