I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize