Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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