does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
