Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ugly people sure do ruin things
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
