You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
