would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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