Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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