D3 body, D1 cock
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
