I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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