Where is the hickey?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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