Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
