Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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