My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
