Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize