So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
