What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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