He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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