Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
