Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How's work?
Spinning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
