do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
