he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
