Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
