What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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