My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize