And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
