I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
