I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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