I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All the doctor said was why
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
