he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
