There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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