Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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